27 September 2010

House Republican Leaders Unveil "Pledge to America"

Monday, 27 September 2010, WASHINGTON, D.C. - House Republican leaders recently revealed that they have been not only doing no work in Congress and spending all their time campaigning, collecting bribes and visiting prostitutes back home. They also have been thinking hard about a new something with "America" to propose, in the tradition of Newt Gingrich.
House Republican leaders unveiled their latest, the "Pledge To America", only in recent days. They described the plan as meant to address a soaring deficit, a stubbornly declining unemployment rate, as well as measures initiated by President Obama that actually put money directly in average Americans' pockets and will guarantee all Americans lifelong capless health care incrementally over the next few years.
On revealing the details of their slapped-together plan, the Republicans demonstrated that their "Pledge to America" actually contained no details whatsoever. Republicans proposed to lower the unemployment rate by reducing the number of federal employees and extending Bush-era tax breaks for the super-rich. This apparently also is how Republicans plan to reduce the deficit. All these problems, of course, are the direct result of the Republicans having been in power previously under the "leadership" of Dick Cheney puppet-President "little shrub" George W. "mission accomplished" Bush. President Bush through an endless series of unerringly dangerously misguided policies destroyed a country left to him in strongly rebounding fiscal condition and at peace with the world by President Clinton and then tap-danced before being escorted off the White House portico at the end of his term.
Both Democrats and any thinking Republicans are completely perplexed as to how the "Pledge to America" could have any result but to achieve exactly the opposite of what House Republican leaders claimed it would, as they proposed as parts of the plan to continue tax breaks for the super-rich and lay off employed federal employees.
Finally, in a dramatic demonstration of their complete ignorance of history and general lack of thought altogether, the House Republican leaders promised to "reverse" the Obama health plan when they allegedly would take the House at mid-term elections under the spiritual guidance of Sarah "I cannot spell real words" Palin and the Mr-T Party.
Any person with even cursory knowledge of United States polical history realizes that almost no Congress has EVER reversed a bill it passed. Furthermore, Republicans would never have the votes to override President Obama's certain veto anyway.
House Republicans now are expected to end their absence from doing nothing to govern the United States as they were hired to do and return to their home states to pawn off their "Pledge to America" as their latest brainstorm. Like most Republican slogans, it only has three words, which most Republicans are expected to be able to remember (with teleprompters).

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved

23 September 2010

Ninth Amendment Exclusive - Taliban Reportedly Acquires First Drone

Thursday,23 September 2010,PESHAWAR,PAKISTAN - Although the United States Government neither admits nor denies the use of drones or their intended targets, it has been widely reported in recent days that drones flying over Pakistan in recent days have killed more Taliban mid-level leaders as well as Pakistani insurgent leaders.
The Ninth Amendment has learned from unidentified sources the unreported news that at least one of these drones landed intact in a Taliban leader's swimming pool and is now "dried out" and usable. Osama bin Laden reportedly wishes to buy the drone from the Taliban for Al-Qaeda with money that he has earned in investments with the Bush family.
In related news unidentified sources reportedly also said that "You really think these (recently downed United States helicopters) aircraft have just fallen from the sky?" Apparently the unreported true facts are that the aircraft are being downed by United States Stinger missiles given years ago to the Taliban by the CIA when it created the Taliban. The CIA is now reported to actually have its own army in Afghanistan fighting against the Taliban which it previously created and armed.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Reserved