San Antonio Second "Dumbest" City in United States

Friday, 29 October 2010, SAN ANTONIO - A recent statistical analysis found that San Antonio, "cultural capital of the world", is the second "dumbest" city in the United States, with an average IQ of 40. City "educators" took umbrage with this finding since it was based solely on number of books sold and/or read per capita, the number of residents who had never finished school or had any advanced degrees, the fact that the sole history taught students was that of the Alamo, the inabilility of most young people to speak without placing the word "like" between every English word they spoke, their inability to notice that their highways had been under construction for a quarter of a century with no noticeable progress, and the fact that Governor "six-shooter" Perry had been the state's longest serving Governor in history.
City "educators" who like their students are encouraged to "perform" math problems solely with calculators with dead batteries, noted that the nation's highest ranking city in intelligence, Boston, was only slightly ahead of San Antonio with a mean IQ of over 175, merely 135 points above San Antonio's. Besides, they argued just because you never went to school, especially in Texas, or ever read a book rather than constantly watched sports on television, or spoke proper English even though you were an American who had been born here and never left the city limits, meant that you were not smart.
San Antonio, however, admittedly is a very polite city, in general, unless you enter someone's "castle" before it is foreclosed, and now can be shot up to ten blocks away for walking on someone's lawn. These shot people pose a grave threat as most do not have enough money to buy any weapon and are shot in the back by "castle" owners as they try to run or drive away.
Police encourage residents to drag bodies of these people back into their houses, so there will not be any evidentiary questions. In any case, San Antonio police are the last force in the country to write only handwritten police reports which then are usually lost anyway.
The word "umbrage" used above can be found in most dictionaries for the few residents who have them, can be found on the internet with an hour or two of searching, or you can ask at a library, which is the place where books are kept.

Copyright 2010 Big M  and Little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved

Texas Governor Perry Doubles Contender Bill White Donations

26 October 2010, AUSTIN - The Perry campaign proudly revealed that it has doubled Bill White donations just from a small handful of donors who are confident they will make back their donations "with interest" from the "investment" in Perry paybacks. Perry donors who numbered about a total of five rich Texans, including one who gave Perry at least $600,000 in "tribute", are seeing Perry's donations pour into an anti-White TV advertisement that exploits the misfortune of a Houston widow.
This fairly well sums up the full extent of the Perry campaign strategy, which not suprisingly kept him from exposing his ignorance in the televised Texas governors' campaign debate or addressing any other issue regarding his uniformingly flawed policies in "governing" Texas. Former-Democrat Perry has avoided any public campaign appearances (other than to lobbyists who formerly worked for the "Governor", at exorbitantly-priced private dinners where others can also donate "tribute" for favors from the "Governor".)
It is yet to be seen if Governor Perry's re-election strategy of basing his entire campaign on one negative anti-White TV advertisement, and supported entirely by about five Texans, will succeed in winning him a record fourth-term following a record third-term already as "Governor" of Texas. Meanwhile, Bill White will have to do his best to win supported only by the vast majority of Texans.
Presumably, although White has held a variety of positions, including as Deputy Secretary of Energy under President Clinton, Perry would be completely at a loss as what else to do if he could not keep doing big favors to a few rich Texans so as to remain "Governor" forever.
Mr. Perry is known to sleep quivering in his Mickey Mouse pajamas in fear of the Mexican Mafia with his famous "six-shooter" stuck in his pajama pants. This of course is why he has courageously done nothing to secure the Texas border with Mexico while lambasting the federal government for not doing it for him. It is not known whether the "Governor" has actually ever hit anything with the gun except a coyote which scared him (or he claims his dog) on his morning jog.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L  All World Rights Expressly Reserved

GM Top Brass Saved from Extinction by Democrats Slaps Them in the Face

26 October 2010, DETROIT - General Motors, which only was saved from extinction by bailouts championed by President Obama and the Democrats, over the loud objections of Republicans, has slapped the Democrats in the face by giving large contributions to Republican campaigns to help Republicans beat Democrats in the upcoming mid-term elections.
This act of General Motor's "gratitude" was dismissed by General Motors officials as simply being becuase the Republicans have a "better understanding of the needs the automotive industry". In fact, the complete lack of gratitude and greed by General Motors is simply motivated by the fact that now that the Democrats have saved the company, along with much of the American automotive industry, General Motors of course would prefer now to be making more money by its strong support for global warming without government interference in its manufacture of gaz-guzzling vehicles.
It is not known whether General Motors' directors, executives, and managers have children to whom they care at all whether or not they will leave a planet dying due to global warming from carbon monoxide emissions contributed to largely by General Motors. Indications are they care more about their money than leaving a living planet to their children.
The Ninth Amendment encourages all Americans and residents of the rest of the globe to shun the purchase of any General Motors' vehicles and let the company vanish just as the Republicans wished.
Of course all working class employees of General Motors who actually do the work that fills the pockets of the fat cat top-level ingrates who run the company and receive a fortune for doing virtually no work should be fully paid from much higher taxes levied against these fat cat ingrates until the working class people find other work of equal or higher pay when General Motors collapses.
Karma of course dictates that the General Motors top-level directors, executives, and managers then will subsist on food stamps and welfare, after they move from their foreclosed suburban estates into the inner city of Detroit. Just as they would have had the Democrats not bailed them out from their failed business practices. Perhaps they might find work at the carwash, washing Chryslers, and Fords (Ford never having needed a bailout).

US and NATO Troops Drive Taliban From Kandahar Region Faster Than Expected

25 October 2010, KABUL - Gen. David Patraeus, standing in front of an obsolete painting of "old" Afghanistan, late last week reported that US and NATO troops apparently were ahead of schedule in the "final stages" of clearing the Taliban from just west of Kandahar.
Gen. Petraeus, somewhat (about one million times) more intelligent than his outspoken predecessor fired summarily by President Obama after making idiotic comments along with his senior staff to music magazine Rolling Stone, that is special forces trained Gen. McChrystal (now on welfare), was somewhat more cautious in assessing this US-NATO "victory".
Gen. Patraeus and his senior staff did not fail to remember that a former US "victory" in the Marja district of neighboring Helmund province was short-lived when U.S. Marine officers learned that the Taliban in fact had really only temporarily fled the area just to return on their own terms supplied, alive and in force.
Meanwhile the "disappeared" Kandahar Taliban have launched widespread attacks throughout other areas of Afghanistan and escalated attacks on vital US-NATO supply lines. It has not escaped Gen. Petraeus' attention that rather than wait to be attacked west of Kandahar, the Taliban has merely moved elsewhere to remain alive until they can take up the fight re-supplied and again on their own terms.
President Obama, after serving nearly half of his first term, has been successful despite being distracted trying to clean up the incredible economic and military disaster left him by former "President" little shrub Bush, who never actually was elected. President Obama's tremendous progress in halting and actually starting to turn around the Bush debacle has gone (with Republican TV prodding) largely unrecognized by many Americans, who, for example, appear not to be aware that his efforts to save major American car companies have been hugely successful and have been estimated to have saved over ONE MILLION American jobs in the midwest. Under President Obama all Americans now are guaranteed capless health care within a few years. (Which legislation government Republicans compassionately promise to reverse since they all have prime-quality health care at poor Americans' expense already.)
The Economist magazine recently directly apologized for criticizing President Obama's efforts and has expressly recognized that the world's premier economics magazine was dead wrong in criticizing President Obama's efforts. Meanwhile the Republicans who assisted "President" little shrub Bush in reversing President Clinton's remarkable 1990's budget surplus and creating a huge budget deficit largely by giving handouts to the rich have launched their new "Pledge to America".
The Republican "plan" to reverse their Bush-era debacle, reportedly sketched out in ten minutes on an airline cocktail napkin, is unbelievably permanently to extend tax breaks for the rich and super-rich to balance the budget, and to fire federal employees to address the astronomical unemployment rates the Republicans created. They hope to regain control of the Congress in the mid-term elections so they can implement this astoundingly brilliant plan, which is just what created the disaster to begin with, meanwhile being confused about who these new "Tea Bag" people are, where they came from, and what they want.
President Obama, like President Clinton, is thought to hold a small or no chance at all of re-election as of ending his first mid-term, although President Obama and the military of course has been left by Bush with the added challenge of addressing pointless US military conflicts around the globe. The Ninth Amendment log here predicts this belief is dead wrong and like President Clinton, President Obama WILL be re-elected and recognized as President Clinton has as one of the top US presidents in the history of the country.
Former "President" little shrub Bush is not known to be needed for any consultation with the present Obama administration. He now is reported along with Texas Governor "six-shooter" Perry to be the guest of good friend "AK-47" Osama bin Laden, probably in Pakistan where both Governor Perry and the former "President" Bush are consuming vast quantities of complimentary top-quality Afghanistan heroin (which they now prefer to crack cocaine) that US-NATO forces have allowed to flourish in Afghanistan since the Taliban left power.
As US military officials have repeatedly said in letting truckloads of heroin pass through checkpoints, "That's not our mission, and besides it is probably being sold by the CIA to supplement its budget, since the CIA now has their own army here in Afghanistan now, too, although we are not too sure what they are doing with it".

Copyright 2010 Big M All World Rights Reserved

Catholic Church Bans San Antonio's Only Openly "Same-Sex" Mass

Sunday, October 24, 2010, THE VATICAN - San Antonio, Texas local Catholic Church leaders were compelled by temporary Auxiliary Bishop Gustavo Garcia-Siller abruptly to terminate the city's only mass at St. Ann Catholic Church which for over fifteen years has welcomed same-sex couples and their children and had been preceeded for ten years at other local parishes with "Dignity Masses".
This act of compassion was perfectly timed to send a message to all, especially students and the entire Brandeis High School community where two students are widely known recently to have killed themselves over a period of two weeks. The Catholic Church is known for its claimed monopoly on both the teachings of Jesus Christ and for the Church's claim of offering the only route to heaven as discerned from the teachings of Jesus Christ.
In its infinite wisdom and power the Church has threatened people throughout the world with its sole knowledge that people must not have sex before marriage, never use birth control or protection other than "abstinence", or a host of other infinitely wise policies that must be followed, along with Catholics' express recognition that Jesus Christ had the foresight that the Catholic Church alone was the sole route to heaven, even for the vast majority of the world's population that has never heard of Jesus Christ or the Catholic Church.
The Church is revered for its centuries-old tradition of "looking the other way" while its priests have had more sex with young underage boys and escaping all prosecution than any other institution on the planet. Like the U.S. Government, the economic rule is simple. The money only goes one way: To the Vatican. The laws in return come back only one way: To the masses, with the exception of course of Catholic Church officials, who are exempt.
Apparently the Vatican in its vast accumulation of more wealth than any institution on the planet missed the part of The Bible where Jesus Christ is documented to have said, "It is harder for a rich man to get to Heaven, than a camel to get through the eye of a needle". The Church's official slogan "Veni, Vidi, Vici" ("I came, I saw, I conquered") apparently is mistakenly believed by the Catholic Church to come from The Bible. Actually, Julius Caesar said it, and it comes off a Marlboro cigarette box.

Copyright 2010 Big M All World Rights Reserved

Green Party Candiate Deb Shafto Only Hope to Save Texas from Perry Debacle

Wednesday, 20 October 2010, AUSTIN, TX - As Tuesday night's only Texas Green Party's gubernatorial representative made clear in last night's debate, Deb Shafto may not be polished but she knows the issues, is obviously educated, and Texas' only hope to avert the inevitable disaster looming from Governor Rick Perry's unprecedented three terms as Texas Governor. Governor "Ask not what you can do for Texas, ask what Texas can do for Rick Perry" now seeks yet another term as Texas' Governor.
Mr. Perry, although he claims to govern the Nation's second most populous state, has managed to make himself completely absent from election scrutiny by his "constitutents" by holing up in his taxpayer $10,000-a-month rented "Governor's fortress", while he is not abroad spending vacations "promoting" Texas at Texas's taxpayers' enormous security expense and receiving "payoffs" from cronies to whom he directs Texas taxpayers' hard-earned dollars. In his absence, the State of Texas reportedly is governed directly by lobbyists and other criminals.
Governor Perry's only election "public appearances" can be counted on one hand and did not include the public but only cronies and former Perry staff members become "lobbyists" to pay "tribute" for Perry handouts out of Texas' soaring deficit and the mouths and health of Texas children. Mr. Perry reportedly was home-schooled, and the college he claims to have attended refuses to make any comment. Apparently Perry's parents had him home-schooled, due to his inability to read, by illegal Mexican immigrants who felt compelled to issue him failing grades in all subjects.
Sarah "I lost my brain, where is it?" Palin, also reportedly homeschooled herself by vagrants and drunks now is the acknowledged "braintrust" of the Republican Party. She according to anonymous sources shares Mr. Perry's fondness for hogs and other animals of that family. Both she and Mr. Perry apparently, however, had to miss watching last night's debate because they both are reported to be "recuperating" in an undisclosed facilty where Republicans receive excellent discrete care for sexually transmitted diseases inexplicably transmitted by intimate encounters with domesticated animals and sick primates.
Kathie Glass, the "Libertarian" candidate (a party which no one ever has really understood or for which they have voted) confirmed her ignorance, complete ineptitude, and absolute unfitness for Governor of Texas by taking precisely the wrong position on the death penalty, the phony "war on drugs", and on any other issue about which she was asked. Ms. Glass is expected to receive less than 1% of Texas votes, most of which result from voters checking the wrong box.
Meanwhile, during an expected unprecedented fourth term as Texas' Governor bought exclusively through television commercial money, Perry already is rumored to be preparing to resign to run against President Obama in the next Presidential race, especially after learning that he can smoke crack in the White House.
However, after seeing Mr. Perry's photograph and comments in this past Sunday's San Antonio Express-News, medical and psychiatric consultants for the newspaper tentatively diagnosed Mr. Perry with rapid onset Alzheimer's Disease, dementia and senility.
Ms. "If I only had a brain" Palin apparently has set her heart or whatever pumps her blood on Governor Perry serving as President although his cognitive deterioration appears to be outpacing that of former President Ronald Reagan's mental demise by about a quarter century.
Republicans already are speculating how the "nuclear football" and six-shooter might be kept from Mr. Perry's grasp in the event of an abrupt failure of whatever remaining brain fuction Mr. Perry has. Apparently a search is underway for an "enterprising" Vice-President who can actually run the country and make a great deal of money as Mr. Cheney did while President Bush spent most of his time vacationing in his pickup truck.

Copyright 2010 Big M and little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved

Texas Gubernatorial Democrat Candidate Bill White Embraces Death Penalty

Tuesday, 19 September 2010, AUSTIN, TX - In a televised re-broadcast tonight of Texas' gubernatorial debate not attended by Governor Perry, Bill White, who allegedly claims that he attended Harvard University, sadly admitted that despite being afforded the best education the United States offers, like Governor Perry Mr. White embraces the death penalty.
Mr. White, once thought to be smart and thoughtful, like the late U.S. Supreme Court Justices William O. Douglas, William Brennan, and Hugo Lafayette Black, to name just a few, apparently did not even learn at Harvard (if he did in in fact attend it) that states with death penalties invariably have higher murder rates, and that one can never be "100% certain" of anything, despite what Mr. White may believe. He may think the sun will rise every day, but there is not guarantee that it will. Moreover, Mr. White apparently believes that mayors possess the power to change court evidentiary rulings and verdicts despite the fact that mayors are not members of the judiciary but serve strictly local executive functions. This should be clear to Mr. White from the U.S. Constitution.
Mr. White is expected to have to take a remedial government course at the community college in Tijuana that he actually probably did attend. Aside from the Green Party Candidate, unfortunately Texans apparently now prove to have no capable, humane candidate to serve as Governor. The Ninth Amendment recommends moving from the murderous State of Texas as soon as possible as the Green Party unlikely will win a Presidential election in our lifetimes short of an armed revolution. Already Mexicans finally have learned this and are fleeing the United States. Veritas.

Copyright 2010 Big M All World Rights Reserved

Texas Governor Perry Criminal Use of Texas Taxpayers' Money for World Travel

Sunday, 17 September 2010, AUSTIN, TX - Texas newspapers the San Antonio Express-News and Houston Chronicle reported late last week that after an illegal delay of two months since their public request under the Texas Public Information Act, incomplete records of Texas Governor Perry and wife Anita's "security expenses" totaling close to one million dollars paid by Texas taxpayers for at least 23 trips over the past seven years for their world travel frequent vacations were revealed in records released by the Texas "Department of Public Safety" and criminal activity.
Other Perry taxpayer-fundeded security vacation records furthermore were illegally withheld from the press and public for the years 2006-2007 on the fabricated grounds that they did not have to be kept for more than three years, since the Texas DPS is well award who pays their salaries. This argument was thrown out by a Texas court and is now being heard by the Texas Supreme Court pursuant to an appeal by the newspapers. Governor Perry, aside from making some incomprehensible statement that he was busy playing a "connect the dots" game, allegedely made these trips worldwide including multiple trips including to Europe and Japan to "promote Texas tourism" and use his well-known charm and intellect to lure businesses to Texas.
Mrs. Perry also frequently joined the Governor on these trips because of her equally well-known abilities as an "Ambassador to Texas" and so that she could shop. Often trips such as Mrs. Perry's one half-month junket to Japan were generously taken alone by her so that she could get full-body Japanese oil massages and "promote" Texas as well. Because Mrs. Perry is such a well-known assassination target her security tab for this vacation cost Texas taxpayers close to $50,000.
The Perrys were quick to point out that the approximately one million dollar security costs for their global sojourns (plus the costs contained in records illegally allegedly destroyed by the Texas "Department of Public Safety" and criminal activities) did not include all the other actual costs paid for by rich Texans and "public interest groups" as payoffs for the "payback" they now know will come from Governor Perry at the expense of Texas taxpayers and children who will lose any remaining food and health care funds after those already looted by the Perrys.
The Texas "Department of Public Safety" and criminal activities also refused to reveal any of the facts of the huge security details who have accompanied the Perrys on their global vacations on the absurd grounds of "national security" and were flown with the Perrys around the globe with all meals, stipends, airfare, posh hotel expenses, et cetera paid for by struggling Texas taxpayers. Of course by merely looking around the cities of Texas one can easily see the huge number of Japanese, European and other foreign visitors whom the Perrys have charmed into coming from around the globe to visit Texas, famous for putting more people to death than all the states and federal government combined (or any other country on the planet). Governor Perry also is quick to take credit for the few Japanese companies that have moved operations to Texas under threat of devastating United States tariffs if they did not.
Governor Perry, who has announced that he sees no point in debating Democratic challenger Bill White because "Texans are not interested" as Mr. Perry seeks a record fourth term looting Texas, is not expected to make himself available before any Texans before Election Day for fear of revealing his inability to think or speak. As usual any "public appearances" will be carefully archestrated to take place only before hand-picked groups of Perry "supporters" who are exclusively lobbyists paying their dues for further handouts from the Governor while Texas taxpayers go broke and see their children starve to death or die from lack of health care. Few of these lobbyists, who are all former Perry staff members are expected to vote. Governor Perry will simply use their "pay-off" money to run television ads and secure re-election with cold, hard cash.
John F. Kennedy on being inaugurated as President of the United States, said "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." Mr. Perry, on the other hand, upon starting his quarter-century of "public service", reportedly said, "Ask not what you can do for Texas, ask what Texas can do for Rick Perry".
Preliminary unsubstantiated reports by unauthorized sources reveal that Texas Governor Perry will soon be the subject of more federal criminal investigations by more federal law enforcement agencies than any governor that has ever preceded him in any state. Apart from fixed land-deals, illegal world vacationing at Texas taxpayer expense, and untold other criminal activities, the further details of one obvious Governor Perry specific pay-off for campaign dollars Perry received which Democratic challenger Bill White already has called to be frozen and criminally investigated will shortly be reported here.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Reserved

Texas Governor Perry and Former US President Bush Arrested for Bestiality

Wednesday, 13 October 2010, Del Rio, Texas - Ninth Amendment Exclusive. An unindentified source at the Del Rio, Texas jail confirmed that this past weekend both Texas Governor Perry and former US "President" George "little shrub" Bush were briefly held in custody until bond was posted by Federal law enforcement agents and Texas Rangers who whisked the pair away from the jail.
The pair reportedly had spent a very heavy night of "partying" with terrorists and drug cartel drugpins who are business associates of the Bush family. Mr. Perry, who is currently running for another record-breaking term as Governor of Texas, apparently already has raised more than twice as much campaign money as his opponent Bill White after only a single night of "fundraising" exclusively with lobbyists who formerly worked for the Governor's office and now are "cashing in".
Both Mr. Perry and Mr. Bush therefore reportedly have a lot of free time on their hands to nap when they are not making business deals set up by cronies. This past weekend Mr. Bush reportedly spent at Mr. Perry's Texas taxpayer-rented "Governor's Mansion" at Mr. Bush's old favorite habit of snorting large amounts of "dealer-quality" cocaine while Mr. Perry drank whiskey and cough syrup and smoked crack. Concerned bodyguards reportedly at one point had to relieve Mr. Perry of his famous six-shooter so that he did not "harm himself or others".
Reportedly sometime after dawn the duo together set out in pursuit of their favorite nighttime pastimes, that is Mr. Bush's earlier reported habit reported here of partying with transsexuals and donkeys, while Mr. Perry set off in search of "farm animals". Unfortunately both were caught in a sting operation for wealthy Republicans being conducted by the ten or so law enforcement agencies with nothing better to do now operating in the area funded by confiscated "drug money".
Spokespeople for both Governor Perry and former US "President" George "little shrub" Bush, on condition of anonymity, disclaimed any knowledge of either the activities or arrests of the two and speculated that they actually had spent the evening "at church".

Copyright 2010 Big M All World Rights Expressly Reserved