20 May 2010

BP Oil Spill Reaches Louisiana Beaches, Headed for Florida and Atlantic Ocean

May 20, 2010, WASHINGTON, D.C. - British Petroleum, one of the richest corporations in the world, now claims to be capturing more than fifty per cent of the oil spewing from its Gulf of Mexico well in US waters for more than a month. 29% of U.S. Coastal fishing waters now have been destroyed by spill. BP asserts its newest effort to stem oil flow will be made this Sunday. Meanwhile the oil spill now coats Louisiana beaches and is headed for Florida's western coast. The spill is expected to destroy Florida beaches and estuaries as it heads around Florida and streams up into the Atlantic Ocean.
BP's claims are estimates of BP's ability to stop oil spew and are expected to be completely inaccurate and worthless since BP has proven totally incapable of controlling the oil spill which it let loose. Meanwhile President Obama has broken up the MMS division of the Department of Interior into three branches. All former MMS employees, who apparently have failed to do their jobs for their entire government careers, will be sent to Afghanistan strapped with locking suicide bombs and sent out to find Taliban to blow up. This should save money on their funeral expenses.
Oil and water separation efforts are to be undertaken using technology privately funded by Hollywood figure Kevin Costner. BP and other oil companies were unable to fund development of this separation technology because they earn so little money, despite their heartfelt and genuine concern for the environment of the Earth.
Meanwhile no one has publicly mentioned the possibility that the US might want to consider actually prohibiting off-shore oil drilling since oil industry experts have pointed out how "safe" it is and how much money oil companies can make from the oil, the worst energy source ever used.

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