07 October 2012

Ford Motor Touts 2012 6-Cylinder Light-Duty Plastic Ford Taurus As Latest "Police Interceptor" To Drunk Feds And Hapless State/Local Police Making Sirens Very Loud (Except "Stealth" Models) With Gas Economy Replacing Speed and Pursuit Capabilities

     Sunday, 7 October 2012, DETROIT - The Ninth Amendment yet again delivers on its promise to keep Ninth Amendment readers the best-informed in the world making sense of and breaking a relentless storm of ignored, unrecognized and unreported compelling latest news information sources from its editorial board to global news bureaus and remote equipment such as the Minkmitten "Rich Boy" Romney Deluxe Bugmaster not seen below incorporating primitive non-existent drone (unmanned aerial vehicle) tracking, relay and clarification of a constant influx of information from readers' living rooms, to the curtilage surrounding readers' visibly fenced and/or invisibly electronically safeguarded homesteads before Googlization to around the world and all the way to the "Restaurant at the End of the Universe", copyright Douglas Adams in the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" first broadcast on pre-Charles and Diana on BBC radio.
     The Ninth Amendment politely reminds readers to AVOID BREACHING THE NEW YORK TIMES' "CADILLAC" PAYWALL BY SIMPLY SETTING FREE FIREFOX BROWSERS TO "PRIVATE BROWSING" or in the event that technique should no longer work to avoid NEWER METHODS OF READING UNLIMITED ARTICLES BY NOT DOING SIMPLE KEYWORD SEARCHES CONTAINING "BREACHING TIMES' 'PAYWALL'" AND NOT EMPLOYING TECHNIQUES SUCH AS ELIMINATING MOST OR ALL DOWN TO THE LAST LETTER OR SYMBOL IN THE URL (TOP WEB ADDRESS LINE) TO KEEP READING UNLIMITED TIMES' CONTENT.
     The "Hitchhiker's Guide" series later was published in a series of books referring to the original tome's cover adorned with the sole feature of a Big Button to press captioned "Don't Panic". Galaxy travelers generally only need to relax and if of appropriate bodily Commonwealth constitution drink about six quick pints at the local pub to relax and be prepared to be picked up by passing starships to travel with ample supplies of necessary medications and a towel. Travelers should also always carry a towel as hosts without fail assume that those carrying a towel indeed must be well prepared for any contingency.
     Prescription drugs should be relatively easy to bring as DEA jurisdiction then ceases to exist for all intents and purposes as space travelers find themselves transferred from pub to passing craft at the atmospheric- stratospheric level. An earlier post here noted briefly but accurately the extremely dangerous personal drinking habits embraced by hypocritical agents with their highly paid criminal "consultants" recognized time and again actually not only fraternizing with the DEA and indeed all U.S. Government "drug enforcement" types and the criminal cohorts (including federal witnesses) whose habits they or rather you dear readers most likely unwillingly support.
     Particularly true as to the copious analogs to the "innocuous" drug alcohol all of which analogs all most likely are free to consume in unlimited quantities once at the fringes of the Earth's atmosphere, that would be at "Closing Time" where there is always the danger those who over-imbibe may fall off galaxy craft eternally into space or perhaps pitch a no-hitter as the case may be. In this as in all such endeavors readers are best advised to consult with properly trained and licensed attorneys for the appropriate jurisdiction such as, say, "Space, the Final Frontier". Not to be confused with attorneys in "Alaska, the Last Frontier". In either case the Ninth Amendment makes no claim at dispensation of legal advice in either nor any other jurisdiction.
     Finally as to the news rampantly available should one prepare to spend some time as an intergalactic hitchhiker, that advice rarely if ever proves to be a necessity. Apart from the fact that the towel makes one pretty much welcome anywhere as this shows one only really need carry the Guide and all-important "Don't Panic" cover mantra complete with centerpiece front Big Button bringing us belatedly to today's fresh news although perhaps tired tomorrow.                                          
     On this subject as well patient readers the Ninth Amendment really only need refer to a quick terms search to find the Ford-sponsered oohs and aahs over the dare-we-say latest actually very phony Ford "Police Interceptor" already allegedly pawned off on hundreds if not more police departments such as the S.F.P.D. Readers here need only do a little not-very-close examination of their own to see that this is no truly "latest version" of the venerable eight-cylinder steel heavy duty Crown Victoria. Indeed Ford makes hardly a mention of the fact that it is nothing more than a new super-light-duty plastic Taurus with odd siren.
     With perhaps better traction control for the unskilled police driver who really we doubt cares much at all about the 35% fuel savings while idling on ethanol. No with not that much thought and but the most elementary understanding of physics, say force equals mass times velocity squared, the Ninth Amendment predicts some most unhappy officers as they helplessly watch the steel Northstar-engined Cadillac speed off into the distance or the Ford LTD Station Wagon headed straight at them rear-end first. We very much doubt that the 2012 Ford "Police Interceptor" will offer much comfort at all then. Even as it idles with 35% improved ethanol combustion efficiency.
     As for that "Stealth" version we are afraid all police officers can do with that citizenry-deafening loud siren to make up for the lack of power, weight, and velocity is to turn the annoying thing off lest they draw attention to themselves fading back into the distance left in the dust as it were. After all, we were promised the maintenance of a bit of "domestic tranquility" as our part of the bargain.



 Copyright 2012 Big M All World Rights Expressly Reserved

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