House Republican Leaders Unveil "Pledge to America"

Monday, 27 September 2010, WASHINGTON, D.C. - House Republican leaders recently revealed that they have been not only doing no work in Congress and spending all their time campaigning, collecting bribes and visiting prostitutes back home. They also have been thinking hard about a new something with "America" to propose, in the tradition of Newt Gingrich.
House Republican leaders unveiled their latest, the "Pledge To America", only in recent days. They described the plan as meant to address a soaring deficit, a stubbornly declining unemployment rate, as well as measures initiated by President Obama that actually put money directly in average Americans' pockets and will guarantee all Americans lifelong capless health care incrementally over the next few years.
On revealing the details of their slapped-together plan, the Republicans demonstrated that their "Pledge to America" actually contained no details whatsoever. Republicans proposed to lower the unemployment rate by reducing the number of federal employees and extending Bush-era tax breaks for the super-rich. This apparently also is how Republicans plan to reduce the deficit. All these problems, of course, are the direct result of the Republicans having been in power previously under the "leadership" of Dick Cheney puppet-President "little shrub" George W. "mission accomplished" Bush. President Bush through an endless series of unerringly dangerously misguided policies destroyed a country left to him in strongly rebounding fiscal condition and at peace with the world by President Clinton and then tap-danced before being escorted off the White House portico at the end of his term.
Both Democrats and any thinking Republicans are completely perplexed as to how the "Pledge to America" could have any result but to achieve exactly the opposite of what House Republican leaders claimed it would, as they proposed as parts of the plan to continue tax breaks for the super-rich and lay off employed federal employees.
Finally, in a dramatic demonstration of their complete ignorance of history and general lack of thought altogether, the House Republican leaders promised to "reverse" the Obama health plan when they allegedly would take the House at mid-term elections under the spiritual guidance of Sarah "I cannot spell real words" Palin and the Mr-T Party.
Any person with even cursory knowledge of United States polical history realizes that almost no Congress has EVER reversed a bill it passed. Furthermore, Republicans would never have the votes to override President Obama's certain veto anyway.
House Republicans now are expected to end their absence from doing nothing to govern the United States as they were hired to do and return to their home states to pawn off their "Pledge to America" as their latest brainstorm. Like most Republican slogans, it only has three words, which most Republicans are expected to be able to remember (with teleprompters).

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved

Ninth Amendment Exclusive - Taliban Reportedly Acquires First Drone

Thursday,23 September 2010,PESHAWAR,PAKISTAN - Although the United States Government neither admits nor denies the use of drones or their intended targets, it has been widely reported in recent days that drones flying over Pakistan in recent days have killed more Taliban mid-level leaders as well as Pakistani insurgent leaders.
The Ninth Amendment has learned from unidentified sources the unreported news that at least one of these drones landed intact in a Taliban leader's swimming pool and is now "dried out" and usable. Osama bin Laden reportedly wishes to buy the drone from the Taliban for Al-Qaeda with money that he has earned in investments with the Bush family.
In related news unidentified sources reportedly also said that "You really think these (recently downed United States helicopters) aircraft have just fallen from the sky?" Apparently the unreported true facts are that the aircraft are being downed by United States Stinger missiles given years ago to the Taliban by the CIA when it created the Taliban. The CIA is now reported to actually have its own army in Afghanistan fighting against the Taliban which it previously created and armed.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Reserved

President Obama Declines to Touch Letter Held Up to Him by Texas Governor Perry

Wednesday, 11 August 2010, AUSTIN, TX - This past Monday President Barack Obama on landing in Texas for his one-day Democratic Party fundraising trip apparently personally was accosted upon his arrival as promised by Texas Governor Rick Perry. The Texas Governor with both hands held up a letter to President Obama he had written (by someone for him) to the President regarding U.S.- Mexico border security.
President Obama declined to touch the letter and waived it off to an aide. It was unclear if he even noticed Governor Perry who reportedly only reaches up about as far as the President's waistline. Undaunted the Texas Governor called after the President to be sure and come back to Texas soon so he and the President could together tour the Mexican border. Presumably Governor Perry personally will provide security for the President and himself on the outing. Governor Perry was widely reported recently to have killed a coyote (the animal variety) on his morning jog with a six-shooter he keeps in his running shorts. President Obama is not known to himself pack a gun.
Although it is not known if anyone read Governor Perry's letter, Head of Homeland Security Janet Napolitano did later that day respond to Governor Perry's letter to Washington on the same subject sent a month earlier. When a White House spokesperson noted that Governor Perry had recently declined an invitation to participate in a high-level Washington meeting on border security, Governor Perry's spokesperson issued a response stating that Governor Perry already knew what all their plans were.
Governor Perry recently let it be known that he has "activated" a "secret plan" for emergency measures in the event Texas faces an imminent threat presumably of Mexican invasion. The exact details of the "secret" plan were not revealed. Of course, if Governor Perry does decide that Texas is "seceding" from the United States as he already several times has threatened, Governor Perry probably realizes that in less than two hours the former Lone Star Republic will once again be a northern teritory of Mexico. In that case, Governor Perry is expected to quickly leave for Arizona.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little LAll World Rights Expressly Reserved

General McChrystal and Aides Give Idiot Interview to Rolling Stone Magazine

        Wednesday, June 23, 2010, EN ROUTE TO WASHINGTON, D.C. - General McChrystal reportedly is en route to Washington, D.C. a day after a story broke that the General and his aides will be featured shortly in a Rolling Stone article in which they criticized President Obama, Vice-President Biden, the U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan, and U.S. Special Envoys to Pakistan and Afghanistan.
       The General, who for some reason is the commander of U.S. and international forces in Afghanistan despite the fact that all his military experience is in Special Operations and not formal military command is widely admired for his hard work ethic and willingness to say whatever he wants whenever he wishes. His pedigree is markedly opposite from General Petraeus who preceded him and was schooled in military protocol. Likewise, the General's aides are career Special Operations personnel who know nothing of military protocol and were not trained for formal military leadership positions.
       Recently, despite his inability to think before speaking, the General and his aides were permitted a limited interview with Rolling Stone magazine. The interview later dragged on for days after the explosion of the Icelandic volcano made air travel impossible. The General reiterated his belief that, despite the fact that largest number of American troops ever serving in Afghanistan are already there or en route, what the General believed was the only hope for victory was a further "surge" of troops and the commencement of counterinsurgency opertions.
       Since the General and other top military leaders met with the new President Obama in the White House within days after the Obama Presidency began, it became clear that General McChyrstal seemed to have some trouble understanding that President Obama is the Commander-in-Chief and that the General is basically nothing. After the General observed that Obama appeared "intimidated" by all the brass that the four generals sported at the meeting, Obama should have immediately fired the General, given him a dishonorable discharge for insubordination, sent him to Leavenworth, taken away his pension and all benefits, and given his family directions to the nearest place to get food stamps.
       Nevertheless, as of yesterday the General had not yet been fired by the "furious" Obama, who refused to accept his resignation presumably so he could have the option to fire the General in person with a dishonorable discharge. The General's press secretary did immediately resign yesterday after the story of the upcoming Rolling Stone article was leaked. Apart from trying to exert pressure on Obama, the General also called the U.S. Ambassador to Afghanistan a "liar" and further strained his relations with the Special U.S. Envoys to Pakistan and Afghanistan. The General's aides made disparaging remarks about the Obama administration and referred to the Vice-President as Joe "Bite-em", maybe because they are unable to read.
The General leaves President Obama in a tenuous position having made his comments on the eve of the massive Afgan invasion which is supposed to end the war for good. Since President Bush started the conflict it is expected to become the longest-lasting conflict in which the U.S. ever has participated. As far as is known, the General's strategy for winning the conflict has never worked in any conflict of significance in which the U.S. ever has participated. He may manage however to kill many civilians.
       Furthermore, the General's timing is somewhat less than ideal since most of the international force which the General commands has already fled the country and will therefore be unavailable for the General's big invasion. Some of the few other countries left there with a token number of troops were expected at least to call in some more, but the General's remarks demonstrating that he has not even agreed on a course of action with his commander-in-chief cast doubt on whether any other countries will be eager to send any troops when the U.S. cannot even figure out what the strategy is. Incidentally, the Taliban enemy in Afghanistan was created by the CIA.
       It is time for President Obama, one of the smartest and best educated Presidents that the U.S. has ever had, to take a firm hand with rogue generals, BP, banks, or anyone else who continues to fail to recognize Obama's rightful authority as President of the United States. It is time for the President to use his mind to strategize against those who clearly are not of his mental caliber and then to come down hard on them. General McChrystal may be the favorite of the fraudulently elected President Karzai of Afghanistan, but who cares. If the General's judgment regarding a mere interview is so poor, why should anyone believe it is any better in any other area. His plan as disclosed in music magazine Rolling Stone is nothing but another repeat performance of a losing U.S. strategy.
       All the General and the military in Afghanistan have managed to do do is once again let opium production run wild, and allow most citizens to become opium and heroin addicts. The Taliban reduced opium production to 5% in Afghanistan. The U.S. has let it get back up to over 90%. Shown direct evidence the U.S. military just says "well, that's not our job." So if you leave a country with 95% heroin addicts, is that somehow "bettering their way of life"? Get real. President Obama must fire General McChrystal in the Oval Office, remove all his "brass", issue him a dishonorable discharge, and send him to military prison for insubordination.
       President Obama, the time has come. Please do not spend your entire Presidency cleaning up George "Little Shrub" Bush' mess. His day will come to be executed for treason, staging a coup d'etat, and crimes against humanity. Meanwhile, President Obama, please get on with your own agenda. Give this world some hope. Too bad you were stuck with Afghanistan, but get real, has the United States ever prevailed in a conflict like that?

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved

New Orleans Federal Judge Blocks Obama Ban On Deep Sea Oil Rigs

Tuesday, September June 22, 2010, NEW ORLEANS - A New Orleans Federal District Judge delivered a scathing opinion to the U.S. Interior Department and the Obama adiministration today blocking the U.S. Government's current ban on deep sea oil drilling in the wake of the BP criminal disaster oil spill.
The Court made a few curious analogies including one in which it said that just because a passenger plane crashes the Government does not ground all flights. The FAA later clarified that actually in the wake of a plane crash the FAA often does ground all planes of the same type that crashed. Likewise, in the case at hand, the present ban on deep sea oil rigs would be similarly appropriate since it does not include all oil rigs but only those similar to the deep sea rig where the BP disaster still unfolds uncontrollably two months later.
This finer point apparently was lost on the Federal Judge who was, not surprisingly, nominated by President "Mad Cow Disease" Reagan. Another still living legacy of the President who started his inaugural speech with the phrase "I would just like to say at this in particular moment that...." and who will leave the United States with the fallout from his nightmarish policies years after his death several years ago from mad cow disease as well as a combination of Alzheimer's, senility, and a stunningly low IQ.
Later yeseterday it was widely revealed in the press that the New Orleans judge who ruled in favor of the oil industry has numerous financial holdings in oil companies, oil facilities, and, of course, oil rigs. Apparently the Judge either did not perceive this as a conflict of interest, did not care if it was a conflict of interest, or simply did not understand what a conflict of interest was.
As could be expected, before the Judge's order allowing the resumption of deep sea oil drilling could be implemented the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals was expected to immediately stay the District Judge's order so it can not be implemented, and the Fifth Circuit Appeals Court is expected to hear the Federal Government's appeal to reverse if necessary the District Court Judge's decision on an immediate emergency basis. At this time it is not known if the District Judge is investing in more deep sea oil rigs. One would suppose it may depend on whether he thinks his ruling will stand in the wake of scrutiny by the Appeals Courts above him.

Copyright 2010 Big M All and Little L World Rights Expressly Reserved

Governor Perry May Be Texas' Longest-Running Governor

June 16, 2010, AUSTIN - Should Texas Governor Perry beat Democratic contender Bill White in next November's general election for Texas Governor, Mr. Perry may be Texas' longest sitting Governor ever. As to whether this is actually true, no one is really sure, since Texas has maintained no historical records except its slaughter by the Mexicans at the Alamo, and no information is available about the State before 1955. All historical records were destroyed pursuant to an earlier joint Governor Bush / Central Intelligence Agency directive in the mid-1950's.
Governor Perry, loved the country over for his ability to kill coyotes and maintain a state with the worst air pollution, worst education, highest prison and death rates in the nation, also is adamant in his threats that the Great State of Texas may secede from the United States at any point since "the Federal Government keeps trying to tell him what to do." For example, to follow federal laws, educate his population above the level of pure ignorance, offer aid to the poor, or do anything which confuses Governor Perry as to what the Great Lone Star Republic truly represents despite its apparent location in the United States of America.
Should Mr. Perry actually move to secede Texas from the United States pursuant to some arcane reading of the U.S. Constitution (as Governor Perry allegedly can read at least at a third-grade level), Mexico would be expected to overrun the border and annex Texas, which belonged to Mexico in the first place, in about two hours.
Should Mr. Perry end up in prison in Texas, he will find himself luckily in a state where complete lack of any mental competence is no bar to execution. In the meantime, Mr. Pery can enjoy spending time in Texas prisons which are first in the nation for same-sex prisoner rapes.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved

Israel Continues Tradition of Ethnic Cleansing and Murder of Other Races

May 2, 2010, OFF THE COAST OF GAZA - Israel this week continued its tradition of murder and oppression of Palestinians and others presumably based on the justification that the Holocaust entitles Israel to seize any part of the world it wants and drive out and slowly exterminate the former inhabitants. This tradition commenced after eight million Jews, gypsies, homosexuals, and others were murdered by the Germans under Hitler during World War Two.
Although the Palestinians are not known to have had anything to do with the Holocaust, the Jews moved in massive waves into the country of Palestine and with international intervention orchestrated their seizure of the country from its Palestinian inhabitants after filling the country with enough Jews to win the vote for possession. The Jews seizure of the country apparently was based on their belief that the Bible, Torah, or something they read in an old magazine, which said they had inhabited the land about three thousand years ago. Therefore they thought they ought to get it back.
Were the same situation to occur in the United States, the American Indians of course should be entitled to get the entire United States back except the southwest which the Mexicans would get. US citizens would have nowhere to live, nor to make money to prop up Israel any longer as the US lapdogs of the Middle East. Based on Israel's alienation of almost every other country in the world, Israel would be obliterated without US support in less than a week.
Meanwhile, Israel in its raid and murder of members of the emergency aid convoy being sent to Gaza, which Israel has cut off from the world, made the mistake of killing almost all Turks on the aid ship. This was a strategically curious move considering that the Turks were some of the last people left in the world who had any kind of "positive" relationship with the Israelis.
The Turkish Prime Minister now in response to the Israeli murder of Turkey's citizens has proclaimed that the Israelis are "bloody mass murderers". The Turkish people have made clear that relations with Israel will never again be the same.
Meanwhile Egypt has opened land crossings to Gaza as the last hope to bring in humanitarian aid to Gaza. Recently when Iran was not in attendance at President Obama's "non-proliferation" meeting in Washington, D.C., the Iranians had their own such meeting attended by scores of nations in Iran. Iran asked why Iran should be expected not to have nuclear missiles while Israel is widely known to have armed nuclear missiles aimed at Iran and presumably most of the rest of the Middle East which all has grown to hate Israel. To date, Israel is not known to have responded to Iran's query. Israel attended neither the US nor the Iranian "non-proliferation" meetings.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved

Governor Perry Voices "Thoughts" on New Policy to Clean Texas Air

Thursday, May 27, 2010, AUSTIN - Texas Governor Perry today raised questions as to his fitness to serve as Governor of Texas in remarks showing he does not understand that states are subject to federal law. He also again may have demonstrated that he is the prototype homo sapiens with the lowest IQ since the evolution of the modern human being.
Governor Perry took umbrage with the USEPA Regional Administrator's statement that Texas must clean its air to levels at which humans can live. Governor Perry said that the federal government was again interfering with Texas' affairs. The USEPA Regional Administrator announced yesterday that the USEPA pursuant to federal law was immediately re-writing one air quality permit for a Texas refinery with the remainder of 49 Texas refinery and all heavy industry air quality permits to be taken over by the USEPA within "weeks not months" if Texas regulators proved unable to do so to bring them into compliance with federal law.
Under the Bush and Perry administrations every heavy air polluting facility in the state of Texas has been allowed to draft its own air permits that allow toxic, carcinogenic, and life-threatening levels of air pollutants that far exceed standards allowed under federal law in any state. The state of Texas has allowed all such facilities to violate federal law and emit killing levels of pollutants for many years. The air quality of the entire state of Texas has become far above allowable federal "attainment levels" for all major air pollutants, which now are also about to be made stricter in any case. Living in Texas is now a death sentence for those who care to breathe the air.
Since Texas air regulators have been doing no work and bringing no enforcement actions for years as they allow their state to be poisoned, one wonders about their "Love of Texas" or why they should have jobs. They certainly do not love anyone who breathes in Texas. Governor Perry is expected to retire to another state with clean air if he does not die or is not executed first.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved

BP Oil Spill Reaches Louisiana Beaches, Headed for Florida and Atlantic Ocean

May 20, 2010, WASHINGTON, D.C. - British Petroleum, one of the richest corporations in the world, now claims to be capturing more than fifty per cent of the oil spewing from its Gulf of Mexico well in US waters for more than a month. 29% of U.S. Coastal fishing waters now have been destroyed by spill. BP asserts its newest effort to stem oil flow will be made this Sunday. Meanwhile the oil spill now coats Louisiana beaches and is headed for Florida's western coast. The spill is expected to destroy Florida beaches and estuaries as it heads around Florida and streams up into the Atlantic Ocean.
BP's claims are estimates of BP's ability to stop oil spew and are expected to be completely inaccurate and worthless since BP has proven totally incapable of controlling the oil spill which it let loose. Meanwhile President Obama has broken up the MMS division of the Department of Interior into three branches. All former MMS employees, who apparently have failed to do their jobs for their entire government careers, will be sent to Afghanistan strapped with locking suicide bombs and sent out to find Taliban to blow up. This should save money on their funeral expenses.
Oil and water separation efforts are to be undertaken using technology privately funded by Hollywood figure Kevin Costner. BP and other oil companies were unable to fund development of this separation technology because they earn so little money, despite their heartfelt and genuine concern for the environment of the Earth.
Meanwhile no one has publicly mentioned the possibility that the US might want to consider actually prohibiting off-shore oil drilling since oil industry experts have pointed out how "safe" it is and how much money oil companies can make from the oil, the worst energy source ever used.

Copyright 2010 Big M and Little L All World Rights Expressly Reserved