John "He Da Bones" Boehner $6 Million Bribes Net Worth Shutdown Hero Extraordinaire At First Press Brief Since Republican Sh*tslide Scolds National Press Dismissing GOP Freshmen And All Tea Partiers As Bunch Of Moronic Idiots Poses Defense That "We Buy A Couple OK Ones" And Lurches Off Stage To Inhale More Solvents And BP Extra Leaded With A Chivas Chaser

       Friday, 7 November 2014, WASHINGTON, D.C. - John Boehner Republican ("4 Dead In O-HI-O") $6 Million net worth (all bribes not government pay) Non-Speaker of the House of Non-Representatives and self-appointed chief do-nothing of the do-nothing Republican oligarchy of anti-Democratic vote suppressors today held his first hungover extra grouchy press conference with coffee hold the nail polish where he took the opportunity to chastise members of the national Press Corps as if they were even stupider if such a thing were possible than the herd of morons the GOP bought into Congress and "Da Bones" were the school vice-principal who drank way too much which he probably does but only when awake and is perpetually hungover and/or drunk or both perhaps inhaling solvents to help keep himself "even" and his GOP Tea Partiers perpetually inactive but still saying moronic things and from shaking too badly with mindless enthusiasm. Just your luck the way your Koch Brudders (and going fracking your mudda too) pay for them. Cross-eyed and brainless.

       GOP John "He Da Bones" Boehner the Six-Million-Dollar (does not buy what it used to -- just a month's worth of booze) slurred his wasted mind and spent no time immediately wasting the rest of the Nation's and the first of the next two years too doing nothing therefore ("a-ha") paying no taxes if he has the GOP way unless something really happens (and President Obama has to take care of it or we are all finished for sure) "Da Bones" sternly telling the Press Corps who all were thinking of quitting by this point all the things the GOP looked forward to not accomplishing as President Obama he "Da Bones" no doubt expected as "Da Bones" charged that darn Obama would just go out on his own and "try to get some guv'ment done".
       On Press Corps members continuing to chide him past his thirty-second breaking point asking how he could in good conscience or any at all feel leading such a bunch of yet more idiot losers in the House of Non-Representatives "da Bones" was quick to point out that "we bought a couple weren't that bad" with which he asserted "we even bought a black one to run from Texas" with which he lurched out of the press conference without even a parting word presumably to go inhale a rag of gasoline and chase it down with a tumbler of Chivas and another snort of BP extra leaded "Gulf Special". 

       "Da Bones" guy look so angry at having had all that hope for himself and now just all that money and nothing to do such that it seems unlikely he even will make it a week before trading his tea for some paint thinner. "Four dead in O-HI-O." Reportedly however the poor head of Progress Texas lost it already so those Dem-o-cats did beat "Da Bones" in any case to it insofar as he has any mind left to lose at this point. And a toast of BP extra leaded to the U.S. Supreme Court and a double for GOP-star Thomas but none for the ladies thank you very much. It is only a job well done Italian marble palace of the one-night decision sans reasoning or if its a Bush no counting please.

Copyright 2014 Martin P. All World Rights Expressly Reserved