Mr. Perry, although he claims to govern the Nation's second most populous state, has managed to make himself completely absent from election scrutiny by his "constitutents" by holing up in his taxpayer $10,000-a-month rented "Governor's fortress", while he is not abroad spending vacations "promoting" Texas at Texas's taxpayers' enormous security expense and receiving "payoffs" from cronies to whom he directs Texas taxpayers' hard-earned dollars. In his absence, the State of Texas reportedly is governed directly by lobbyists and other criminals.
Governor Perry's only election "public appearances" can be counted on one hand and did not include the public but only cronies and former Perry staff members become "lobbyists" to pay "tribute" for Perry handouts out of Texas' soaring deficit and the mouths and health of Texas children. Mr. Perry reportedly was home-schooled, and the college he claims to have attended refuses to make any comment. Apparently Perry's parents had him home-schooled, due to his inability to read, by illegal Mexican immigrants who felt compelled to issue him failing grades in all subjects.
Sarah "I lost my brain, where is it?" Palin, also reportedly homeschooled herself by vagrants and drunks now is the acknowledged "braintrust" of the Republican Party. She according to anonymous sources shares Mr. Perry's fondness for hogs and other animals of that family. Both she and Mr. Perry apparently, however, had to miss watching last night's debate because they both are reported to be "recuperating" in an undisclosed facilty where Republicans receive excellent discrete care for sexually transmitted diseases inexplicably transmitted by intimate encounters with domesticated animals and sick primates.
Kathie Glass, the "Libertarian" candidate (a party which no one ever has really understood or for which they have voted) confirmed her ignorance, complete ineptitude, and absolute unfitness for Governor of Texas by taking precisely the wrong position on the death penalty, the phony "war on drugs", and on any other issue about which she was asked. Ms. Glass is expected to receive less than 1% of Texas votes, most of which result from voters checking the wrong box.
Meanwhile, during an expected unprecedented fourth term as Texas' Governor bought exclusively through television commercial money, Perry already is rumored to be preparing to resign to run against President Obama in the next Presidential race, especially after learning that he can smoke crack in the White House.
However, after seeing Mr. Perry's photograph and comments in this past Sunday's San Antonio Express-News, medical and psychiatric consultants for the newspaper tentatively diagnosed Mr. Perry with rapid onset Alzheimer's Disease, dementia and senility.
Ms. "If I only had a brain" Palin apparently has set her heart or whatever pumps her blood on Governor Perry serving as President although his cognitive deterioration appears to be outpacing that of former President Ronald Reagan's mental demise by about a quarter century.
Republicans already are speculating how the "nuclear football" and six-shooter might be kept from Mr. Perry's grasp in the event of an abrupt failure of whatever remaining brain fuction Mr. Perry has. Apparently a search is underway for an "enterprising" Vice-President who can actually run the country and make a great deal of money as Mr. Cheney did while President Bush spent most of his time vacationing in his pickup truck.
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