San Antonio Second "Dumbest" City in United States

Friday, 29 October 2010, SAN ANTONIO - A recent statistical analysis found that San Antonio, "cultural capital of the world", is the second "dumbest" city in the United States, with an average IQ of 40. City "educators" took umbrage with this finding since it was based solely on number of books sold and/or read per capita, the number of residents who had never finished school or had any advanced degrees, the fact that the sole history taught students was that of the Alamo, the inabilility of most young people to speak without placing the word "like" between every English word they spoke, their inability to notice that their highways had been under construction for a quarter of a century with no noticeable progress, and the fact that Governor "six-shooter" Perry had been the state's longest serving Governor in history.
City "educators" who like their students are encouraged to "perform" math problems solely with calculators with dead batteries, noted that the nation's highest ranking city in intelligence, Boston, was only slightly ahead of San Antonio with a mean IQ of over 175, merely 135 points above San Antonio's. Besides, they argued just because you never went to school, especially in Texas, or ever read a book rather than constantly watched sports on television, or spoke proper English even though you were an American who had been born here and never left the city limits, meant that you were not smart.
San Antonio, however, admittedly is a very polite city, in general, unless you enter someone's "castle" before it is foreclosed, and now can be shot up to ten blocks away for walking on someone's lawn. These shot people pose a grave threat as most do not have enough money to buy any weapon and are shot in the back by "castle" owners as they try to run or drive away.
Police encourage residents to drag bodies of these people back into their houses, so there will not be any evidentiary questions. In any case, San Antonio police are the last force in the country to write only handwritten police reports which then are usually lost anyway.
The word "umbrage" used above can be found in most dictionaries for the few residents who have them, can be found on the internet with an hour or two of searching, or you can ask at a library, which is the place where books are kept.

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