New Music and Humor Features Unveiled by Ninth Amendment

      Tuesday, 20 September 2011, 51st STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS - The Ninth Amendment reminds that READERS SHOULD PROBABLY NOT READ UNLIMITED FREE NEW YORK TIMES DIGITAL CONTENT SIMPLY BY SETTING FREE FIREFOX BROWSERS TO "PRIVATE BROWSING". So readers have you noticed that the promised new features to the soon-to-be top-rated website (yes ours!) now include FREE MUSIC if readers look down the right log column and click on the "Grooveshark" link set to Johnny Cash. Then readers may pick whomever they wish in the upper right "search box" at the site.
      As for the second Fact for the Day this one is another easy Hidden Fact that the Ninth Amendment now has again added a NEW FEATURE to celebrate, remember, Constitution Day was last Saturday, but it will be readers' Constitution all year long if readers READ IT PLEASE! And stand strong!

Above Only Copyright 2011 Big M All World Rights Expressly Reserved
 
Sent: Wed, Sep 14, 2011 9:27 pm - NEW HIDDEN HUMOR FEATURE
Subject: Court Reporting - Presented as Funny Excerpts Fair Comment of Below-Recommended Book (WITH NO RENUMERATION TO NINTH AMENDMENT)

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT  FACE AS A COURT REPORTER             These are from a book called  Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that  had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking  place.    ATTORNEY: What was the  first thing your husband said to you that morning?    WITNESS:     He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'  ATTORNEY:  And why did  that upset you?   WITNESS:     My name is Susan!    ____________________________________________       ATTORNEY: This myasthenia  gravis, does it affect your memory at all?    WITNESS:     Yes. ATTORNEY:  And in what  ways does it affect your memory?   WITNESS:     I forget..  ATTORNEY:  You  forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?    ___________________________________________         ATTORNEY:  Now doctor  , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know  about it until the next morning? WITNESS:  Did you  actually pass the bar exam?   ____________________________________    ATTORNEY:  The  youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?    WITNESS:      He's 20 , much like your IQ.    ___________________________________________      ATTORNEY:  Were you  present when your picture was taken?   WITNESS:     Are you shitting me?    _________________________________________    (My Favorite)  ATTORNEY:  So the date  of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?    WITNESS:     Yes. ATTORNEY:  And what  were you doing at that time?   WITNESS:     Getting laid    ____________________________________________    (Another favorite)  ATTORNEY:  She had  three children , right?   WITNESS:     Yes. ATTORNEY:  How many  were boys? WITNESS:     None. ATTORNEY:   Were  there any girls?   WITNESS:      Your Honor, I think I need a  different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?    ____________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  How was  your first marriage terminated?   WITNESS:     By death..  ATTORNEY:  And by  whose death was it terminated?   WITNESS:     Take a guess.    ____________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  Can you  describe the individual?   WITNESS:     He was about medium height and had a  beard ATTORNEY:  Was this a  male or a female?   WITNESS:     Unless the Circus was in town I'm going  with male.   _____________________________________    ATTORNEY:  Is your  appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent  to your attorney? WITNESS:  No, this is  how I dress when I go to work.   ______________________________________     ATTORNEY:  Doctor ,  how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?    WITNESS:     All of them.. The live ones put up too  much of a fight.   _________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  ALL your  responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?    WITNESS:     Oral..    _________________________________________     ATTORNEY:  Do you  recall the time that you examined the body?    WITNESS:     The autopsy started around 8:30 PM  ATTORNEY:  And Mr.  Denton was dead at the time?   WITNESS:     If not , he was by the time I finished.    ____________________________________________         And last:     ATTORNEY:  Doctor,  before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?    WITNESS:     No. ATTORNEY:  Did you  check for blood pressure?   WITNESS:     No. ATTORNEY:  Did you  check for breathing?   WITNESS:     No.. ATTORNEY:  So, then it  is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?    WITNESS:     No. ATTORNEY:  How can you  be so sure, Doctor?   WITNESS:     Because his brain was sitting on my desk  in a jar. ATTORNEY:  I see, but  could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?    WITNESS:     Yes, it is possible that he could have  been alive and practicing law.